Madea Meets Don Turtelli
by Erincoffeeaddict
Summary: Tyler Perry's Madea meets her match when she runs into one of the most infamous villians of all time.


Madea walked into her house and put a heavy bag of groceries on the counter. Then she stretched her back and let out a yawn. "Praise be! I'm finally home. Now I'll just put away these groceries and it's pajamas here-I-come!" It was getting late in the evening and she was looking forward to going to bed. But when she went to turn on the light, she discovered that the switch didn't work. So she tried it again. And again. Frustrated, Madea left the kitchen and walked into the dark living room, searching for the lamp. She groped around in the darkness for a few seconds before she came across a lamp-shaped object that she assumed was the lamp.

"There! Now I can see! And…and what I see is a mess! Who trashed my house?!" Everything had been pulled out of the drawers and all the wastebaskets had been dumped over. Magazines, knick-knacks, trash, and all kinds of things were scattered all over the floor.

"Alright! Alright now! Whoever is responsible for this better show their face right now! And I mean RIGHT NOW!" She shouted through the house, but received no answer.

Suddenly, she heard somebody sneaking up behind her. Within an instant, she whipped around to face whoever it was – but no one was there. Snarling, she put her hands on her hips. "Whoever is in my house better be out of here by the time I count to three! Or bad things are gonna come down! One…two…"

Just as Madea was about to say 'three', she felt a cold hand grab her neck from behind. "Stay quiet, lady. Or you might get hurt," said a gruff, unfamiliar voice.

Madea rolled her eyes. She was more annoyed than she was frightened. Slowly, she turned around and came face to face with a strange man. He was wearing a dark, expensive suit and he had a mustache. There were two other men standing behind him and they were wearing trench coats.

"What are ya'll doing in my house?" Madea demanded.

"Just looking for the goods," replied the mustachioed man.

"Goods? What makes you think I got 'goods'? You know what? I think you got me mixed up with some other Madea Simmons. Now I want you and your goons to clear out of _my house!_ "

The man frowned darkly at her but loosened his grip on her arm. "I think introductions are in order. Allow me to introduce myself…My name is Don Turtelli."

Madea raised an eyebrow. "Is that Italian?"

He smirked and nodded.

Madea curled her lips into a smug smile. "Well, it certainly is nice to meet you, Mr. Turtelli. Now get out of my house before I THROW YOU OUT!"

Don Turtelli sighed and placed a finger against his temple. "Will you please shut up yelling in my ear?" he asked as politely as he could.

"WHAT?!" What did you just say to me?" Madea was really starting to get riled up.

"He told you to shut up, old woman!" shouted one of the goons.

Now Madea was angry. Very angry! She started to growl as her hands balled up into rock-hard fists. Her blood had boiled to such a high temperature that she could no longer control her emotions. In a flash, she jumped on the goon who had sassed her and attacked him with full force. She rained down a series of smacks on his head and then threw him across the room.

Immediately, Turtelli's other goon ran forward to punch her. But Madea was too fast for him. She grabbed his hair and threw him to the floor. Then she stood on his back and bounced up and down until he was flat as a pancake.

"Two down! One to go!" Madea cheered herself on as she went for Turtelli himself. He tried to brace himself but it was no use. Madea picked him up and twirled him around over her head. Then she launched him across the room, causing him to yowl in pain when he finally hit the floor.

"Ha! That'll teach you all to steal from me!" Madea gloated, proudly.

Turtelli groaned in misery as he lay on his back. His back was sore but not as sore as his ego. How could he have let an old woman do this to him?

Madea continued her taunting until she stifled a yawn and decided it was time to turn in. She walked into the doorway but then turned back to give them some final words. "Well, boys. It's been fun but it's past my bedtime. Nighty-night!" But just as she turned to leave… _Thud!_ She hit her head on the doorframe and collapsed on the floor. Everything went black.

 **A few hours later…**

Madea awoke to find herself tied to a reclining chair. Her wrists were bound behind her back and her ankles were strapped to the foot rests. She tried squirming but it was impossible to move.

"What the Hell? What the HELL?!"

She glanced around the room and was startled to realize that she wasn't in her own house anymore. Those men had brought her to some kind of a penthouse.

"Oh dear…This cannot be good," she said to herself.

Suddenly, the door swung open and Don Turtelli entered the room. The two sidekicks followed him in and closed the door behind them.

"Hello, Miss Simmons," Turtelli greeted her. "Seems like you had a little accident back at your house. Did you have a nice nap?"

Madea growled under her breath. "Listen, Mr. Pizza! You let me out of this chair or I'll give you such a hard boot that you'll be sorry you come from the country _shaped like a boot!"_

Turtelli chuckled at her threats and snapped his fingers. At this signal, one of his goons came forward and removed Madea's shoes, revealing a pair of nylon covered feet.

"I don't know what you plan on doing with me but you sure as Hell better not do it! I may have both hands tied behind my back but I can still kick your behind like I did back at my place. I'm warning ya…don't you get on my nerves again! Or else I'm gonna have to - "

"Argh! She talks too much!" complained one of the goons, putting his hands over his ears.

"Oh, she's going to be talking. In fact, she's going be telling us where she stashes her valuables," said Turtelli, glaring at the woman.

"Why me?!"

"Well…why _not_ you?"

Madea was rendered speechless for a moment. For once, she didn't know what to say. She was feeling a mixture of anger, confusion, and humiliation all at the same time.

"So, are you going to sing?" asked Don Turtelli.

"Oh, I'll sing alright! When you're rotting away in Sing-Sing I'll sing a song called 'Happy Days Are Here Again'! That's what I'm gonna be singing!"

Turtelli stared at her for a moment. "Is that your final word?"

"You betcha!"

"Very well," said Turtelli as an evil grin slowly spread across his face. On his signal, one of his men tied a blindfold around Madea's head.

"What the - ? Hey! Who turned out the lights?" she asked, when the blindfold was placed over her eyes.

"You had your chance, you old bat!" barked Turtelli as he pulled out a long, white feather and approached Madea's feet.

"Let her have it good, boss!" said one of the thugs.

Madea was puzzled. She didn't know what they meant since she was blindfolded. But within seconds, she felt something soft stroke the bottom of her foot.

 _Oh God…It tickled!_ But Madea fought the urge to laugh. She clamped her mouth shut and held her breath. She gave it everything she had. She just couldn't let this fiend have the satisfaction of knowing that he was driving her mad.

Don Turtelli let the feather glide up and down her nylon covered foot. He was surprised and a little annoyed that she was controlling herself so well. Normally, his victims would burst out laughing and giggling instantly. But Madea was stronger than most people. Turtelli was actually pretty impressed. But he was determined to break her…He could see her shaking with held back laughter. There was obvious strain on her face. He knew she couldn't hold out much longer.

Beads of sweat formed on Madea's forehead as the feather danced on the arches of her feet. She desperately wanted to laugh and let it all out but she just couldn't. She refused to. But…the tickling wasn't going to stop anytime soon and Madea realized that. Deep down she knew that it was only a matter of time before she would crack.

"Come on, Miss Simmons…you know you want to laugh. You don't have a choice. This is never going to stop, and you know it. I can keep this feather moving on your soles for a hundred years if I have to!"

Tiny sounds escaped from Madea's lips as she shook violently, using every bit of her energy and strength to keep from laughing. The tip of the feather continued to tease her arches for awhile longer, before the Don decided that it was time for a change of pace. Then he started brushing the feather on the ball of her foot.

Finally, Madea exploded in a fit of hysterical laughter that made everyone jump. "BWWWAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! OH MY POOR SOLES! HEEHEEHEEHEEHEEHEEE!"

"That's a girl," Don Turtelli said, smiling. The feather rotated in torturous circles on the ball of her foot. Then he switched and started doing the same thing to the other foot. He made sure that both feet got plenty of attention. Madea's feet weren't bare but they might as well have been. The material of her nylon tights was very thin and allowed the feather to torment her soles to a high extent. "You must really be having fun, Miss Simmons," he taunted. "Coochie coochie coo…"

"COOCHIE COOCHIE COO YOURSELF! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I'M GONNA TEAR YOU APART AAAAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAAHHAHAHAHAHAHA! OOOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHO YOU'LL BE SORRY!"

"No, I think _you're_ the one who's going to be sorry," Turtelli sighed as he swept the horrid feather along the undersides of her toes, driving Madea into a new level of tickle torment. But she never begged for it to stop. Not once did she beg. She wished very much that it would stop but she still had some pride left - and she was NOT going to lose it under any circumstances.

Overall, Don Turtelli had to admit to himself that Madea Simmons was one tough dame. He just hoped that the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles wouldn't show up and break the door down and run into the room to spoil all his fun.

No such luck.

"Are you okay, ma'am?" asked Leonardo after the turtles beat the heck out of Don Turtelli and his cronies, saving Madea from a tickly fate. She laid back in the chair and gasped for breathe. The turtles untied her and took off her blindfold.

"I suppose I'll live," Madea said, feeling awfully embarrassed at having been rescued by four overgrown reptiles. "But I didn't need your help! I had everything under control before you got here!" she claimed.

"Sure ya did," Raphael said, sarcastically.

Madea walked over to where Don Turtelli was laying motionless on the floor. She knelt down and stared at him – soon he would be going to jail. Madea was familiar with that process since she was always being arrested for something or other…

Then she noticed that his feather was laying next to him on the floor. She picked it up and waved it around in the air. Madea chuckled to herself. "I wonder if Mr. Turtelli would like a taste of his own medicine."

The End


End file.
